2) Why are you inviting your family and friends?
Of course, I have some couples who tell me,“Our wedding day is just for us,” as well as some for whom family does not provide close and comforting connection. But of the hundreds of people I’ve worked with over the past decade — couples having a wedding ceremony and reception, not eloping — when invited to consider what it means to be married before their friends and family, they almost universally reply:
In my last blog post, I talked about why connection will make (or break) your wedding. When we include family and friends in our wedding ceremony, acknowledging the meaning and support they offer us, we satisfy one of our deepest and oldest human hungers: to feel connected…to belong.
Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives, according to Brené Brown’s research. Connection allows us to experience happiness, joy, comfort and love.Connection leaves an imprint on our hearts: it’s the weddings (not just our own!) that we never forget.
I’m working on a blog post for next time with specific ideas for rituals and elements to help you include friends and family in your wedding ceremony. Until then, there’s one more thing I want to share. This is something many couples do think about…although it’s not usually something they want to articulate. When they do, they tell me:
Rather than avoiding this thought as pessimistic (Of course we’ll have another chance to bring everyone together again!!), or “too dark” (Does she mean the only other time will be our funeral??), what if we embraced it as powerful motivation to be totally authentic and fully ourselves; totally present and wildly alive; totally loving and deeply grateful on our wedding day?
I follow a podcast by two relationship therapists who often say, “It’s not the wedding; it’s the marriage.” But to me:
like it’s the only thing you know how
at the end of the day
where you’re sitting
nothing even matters
except for love and human connection
who you loved
and how deeply you loved them
how you touched the people around you
and how much you gave them.
~ Rupi Kaur